Ace Attorney characters as John Mulaney quotes
Phoenix: I try to stay optimistic, even though I must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.
Miles: And he was wearing reading glasses to show that time had passed.
Maya: In fact, we’re gonna frame you for murder! And you’re gonna go to jail for thirty years!
Gumshoe: “Detective! We found a pool of the killer’s blood in that hallway!” “Mmm… Gross. Mop it up!”
Mia: She would just make wild accusations all day long and wait for something to stick.
Franziska: Thirteen year olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to this day.
Larry: I like to throw an “I’m kidding” at the ends of jokes now, in case the jokes are ever played in court.
Pearl: I have had a very long day, I am very small, and I have no money, so you can imagine the stress I’m under.
Apollo: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day I’ll die.
Klavier: And I said, “You can do whatever you want forever.” And he took my advice.
Trucy: And then I said “no,” you know, like a liar.
Ema: When she walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation.
Athena: Excuse me, I’m new in town and it gets worse.
Simon: Everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds.
Oldbag: That’s like when your Gram would be ike, “We’d all go play jacks by the soda fountain.” And you’re like, “Nobody knows what you’re talking about, you idiot.
Godot: They said, “Hey, is this whiskey or perfume?” And apparently I grabbed it, drank all of it, and said “It’s perfume.” And it was.
