the moon is drowning and i am so thankless. she is swallowing brine, closing teeth on seafoam, throat rubbed raw in the sand.

this is mercy, full stop. that’s all it is. nothing too tender here, just a pity that i never deserved. i am tearing down the starlight and she is sinking. i am pleading for a catalyst and she is begging a disaster of me. i am building a stairway to something less than salvation and she is making an empty thing of my heart.

fuck, i said no more mourning but i don’t know what else to do. i said i’m not grieving but i might as well be. i am missing her or i am missing you or i am missing me, missing/missing/missing and nothing ever gets found ‘cause i gave up on it halfway. that’s why she is drowning. i never gave her a chance.

the heartache is eating me alive but i watch her/you/me greet the sea again, open-armed like it is big enough to forgive.

this time the moon bears my name // charle l.